Uneventful
by RedAlert98
Summary: Roy is salty, Dick is high, and Wally is...Wally. The redheads visit Dick when he's injured and on a *lot* of painkillers, shenanigans ensue. Humor, Friendship, Fluff, Terrible Trio, No Slash, Rated T for language,


Wally was trying really hard not to grin; it would only piss his friend off more.

"I wish you'd just admit when you've made a mistake."

"F you, I prefer it with salt," Roy snapped at him, taking a sip of his coffee as they climbed the staircase.

They continued in silence until the two redheads reached the top landing.

"I swear, if people aren't trying to kidnap him they're trying to assassinate him," Roy complained, grumpy as ever.

"Yeah," Wally laughed half heartedly, "It'll be a miracle if he makes it to 18 years old."

Dick had been released from the hospital the day before, to recover in the comfort of his own home after a failed assassination attempt.

"Do you think it's more dangerous to be Dick Grayson, or Robin?" Wally asked, not really expecting an answer and not receiving one. _Finally_, the pair had reached Dick's bedroom. Freakin mansions.

Roy knocked on the door 3 times.

* * *

"Uneventful."

"What?"

"…What?

"I asked how you're feeling, and you sat there in silence for five minutes and then said 'uneventful," Roy informed the bedridden acrobat, who was apparently high out of his mind on painkillers.

Dick was sitting up in bed, propped with pillows, while Wally sat beside him and Roy occupied the chair Bruce had vacated. Said guardian had wanted them to give Dick more time to heal before visiting, but…they were here anyway.

"Dude," Wally addressed his best friend, waving his hand in front of the younger teen's face. He'd decided to have some fun and test the waters of Dick's loopiness.

"I have a question for you. If you have ten cookies and I ask you for five, how many would you have left?"

Bright eyed and not at all drowsy, Dick replied in a chipper tone, "None."

Wally raised his eyebrows at this. "This is basic math mister mathlete, it's not hard-"

"I would give them all to you cause I love you."

Roy sighed. Wally was stupidly getting all choked up, and wouldn't be saying anything for a hot minute.

"Hey," The archer got Dick's attention, "Do me a favor and quit getting shot?"

Dick looked down at his lap, suddenly very put out. "Well if it bothers you that much…"

"Hey, hey, I'm not mad, I'm just giving you a hard time. Listen, you wanna hear a story? I've got a story for you."

Dick reached out to hold Roy's hand; he was already holding Wally's in the other. Gah, he got so touchy feely when he was high.

"Anyway, Wally's at my place the other day, right? He's on his computer doing who knows what, when suddenly he discovered that humans can fit a lightbulb into their mouth with ease, but can't get it out without shattering it. So it was at that point I had to physically restrain him from putting a lightbulb in his mouth."

Dick was staring at Wally, not in disbelief but possibly in awe…_ohh_. Roy should _not_ have told Dick this when he was high…he made a mental note to remove all lightbulbs from the room before he left.

Wally, meanwhile, was conversing with Dick and giving his own future some interesting thought. "Basically, I hope that when I inevitably choke to death it will be on gummy bears, and people will just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that."

Deep in thought, Dick nodded slowly in agreement of this.

* * *

"I don't give a f**k, a shit, and you better believe I don't give a single damn," Dick passionately informed them. The point or reason of which he did not give any of these about had escaped Roy.

"But do you give any hells?" Wally prodded, enjoying this too much.

"F..gadamnit Wally, you weren't supposed to ask me that. I do."

Wait, was this still in regards to Care Bears?

* * *

"I promise, this one is actually funny!" Wally insisted.

"A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

He was rewarded with a barrage of pillows.

"Okay, okay, geez! But when its about my life, everyone laughs; you guys suck."

* * *

Dick had demanded Roy join them on the bed.

"I hate touching people. The only physical contact I take joy in is hand to hand combat," Roy complained.

"Dude."

"What?"

"Dick is literally asleep on your shoulder right now."

"This is different."

* * *

"But what about the PIGEON'S feelings?!"

"Good question, Wally," Dick replied, actually pondering this conundrum.

"Hey Roy, how come you don't ever point out when I ask good questions?"

"I don't love you like he does."

* * *

Eventually they got kicked out. Not by Alfred, as per usual, but…

"Dick, you need some sleep," Bruce stated, his voice far from being the deep gravely tone the redheads were used to. Roy and Wally hopped off the bed, collecting their jackets. Roy grabbed a small bag with contents that clinked together...sounded like glass, or something.

**"**You know, I've got enough problems in my life _without _you shoving your mainstream ideals and corporate agendas down my throat."

"…"

**"**Yeah, goodnight."

* * *

So if you follow me on instagram, this was one of the two things I was talking and really excited about...I hope its worth the hype! I'm redalert98_ for anyone who hasn't hopped on the bandwagon, I'm having a lot of fun with it.

My birthday is in...*counts on fingers* 3 days! ^.^


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